Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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