Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
