i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you didnt know i had herpes?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
