first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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