I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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