OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
