I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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