Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Your cock deserves a montage
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
