just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
