I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize