It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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