I think im going to throw up on grandma
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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