its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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