Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
