Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
