if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
