everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
