I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
MIDGETS
????
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
