Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
false alarm. still invincible.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
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