so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
