i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You dont lie about slip and slides
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
