I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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