Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just want to make out with him forever
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
