apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
