It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
