in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize