Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
