The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
