my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
