I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
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she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
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When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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