So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
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