I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
