He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
