I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
