She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
That was an excessively violent trivia night
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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