im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
