He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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