I think I am morally bankrupt
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
