dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
