The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
