Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
she peed on how many people?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
