All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
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