It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
