Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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