I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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