just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
