Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
