I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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