guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
