Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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