I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
