I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
this hospital has no fireball
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
