Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
50% drunk capacity currently
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
