the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
