My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just gift wrapped bread.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
