i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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