Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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