Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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