The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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