Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
