i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Well I just put wine in my tea
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
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