She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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