He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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