she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
