Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
