she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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