i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
