The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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