tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
