I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
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