Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
