i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
