If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
