you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
