well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
