why didn't you poke me back
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
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She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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