Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
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