): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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