I should be sponsored by Trojan
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
