And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
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I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I will pee on everything he values.
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When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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