well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
