Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
