i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
